Wednesday, October 14, 2009
{ 10:31 PM }
reflections.
Deuteronomy 6:4-5 (King James Version)
4Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD:
5And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Lord of the heavens
King of all days
Without You my world slips away
Redeemed by Your mercy
Consumed by Your grace
Now i live for You
King Of All Days - Hillsong
morning:the year has passed so quickly.
it seems today i decided to look back at all my posts, read them through, and think
hahah
examination of self?
wow. what a coincidence
(i'm listening to a semon on self-examination right now)
hmm, let's see. so many things have changed!
it's so overwhelming how faithful God has been, and how many things i've grown to know about Him
when i look back at my march posts, i think i've finally found the answer! (to the studies thing)
like i said, so many things have changed!
hahah
you know the funny thing is, i think that was a period of my growth, so i'll leave it there, as a juxtaposition between things that were, and things that are, a testament to God's cultivation of wisdom in me hahah
i've come to realize, i don't need to think or question about glorifying God in my studies, i don't need to say that i'm glorifying God in my studies! All i need to do is just look at God and focus on God, and He will settle everything else i need - "my daily bread"
i'm serious! ohmygoodness! God had put me through that entire emo period in june to teach me something.
----
midnight.yes, i realize that that entire period was not just a period of immense growth, but more so, sanctification!
God had to strip off so many wrong foundations and messed up parts of me.
He made it clear to me that there was nothing for me. Nothing for me apart from Him and that all else was vanity.
those "down" periods in our lives - growth, sanctification.
when i had such a blockage towards my studies, He taught me that all i seriously had to do was just spend more time in communion with Him, look to His Word, speak and listen, and He'd sort that out for me.
It's like He fought for me, and i didn't have to do much but stick with Him and stay on His side, focusing on Him instead of making the subject of studies my idol.
for if i chased after it with all my might on my own strength, i would surely lose.
it is nothing but a modern day Baal.
i learnt to really stop it! i had to stop it!
and it saddens me just how many people worship this modern day baal instead of their God.
:(
again, i don't have to think about this! i just have to think of God! and immerse myself in Him.
(when i speak of God, i speak of the Truine God)
all i have to do, is worship, submit, obey. and conform to the image of His Son, Christ Jesus.
the Sermon on the Mount! - why am i worrying over this, should not my Father, who looks after all else in nature and dresses them up so beautifully, take care of me even better?
and whilst i stay there in awe, i had to let go.
realize how spiritually bankrupt i was, how apart from Him, i am worse than nothing.
there's nothing, nothing, nothing, for me apart from Him.
and He is and must be my everything.
and He must change my everything and conform me to His image. His Son's image.
during the past year, He has stripped me of so many things that i now realize i am better off without, and so many bondages that i would never be able to shake off.
i realized that my nothingness, His almighty grace and power, and i must continue to live on this.
to live on a search for Him, and a renouncement of self, of pride, of ego, and vanity.
anything that has to do with glory that is not of Him, i do not want.
He saved me, and that's the only thing i need to know, the only thing i need to base all of this on.
He saved me.
He called me into His Hands and He saved me.
And showed me the first glimpse of His Face.
may He continue this good work He has begun in me, and may His Face be clearer and clearer.
(by His Face, i mean His Character, and His Being - who He is, exactly. for i would be too unworthy to even catch a glimpse of His physical and/or visual appearance.)
all i want is You.
i don't want to waste my life on anything that is apart from You, on anything rooted on a foundation other than You.
and my earnest prayer and desire is that Your Name be glorified in my life, Your Spirit overflow unto those around me, Your Fire burn in my heart - my everything.
amen(:
Labels: without you my world doesn't slip away, without you my world is nothing - it disappears - poof
