the girl who was brainwashed (by the world), tried too hard (to live up to it), broke (-shatter, shatter-, and is being slowly healed (by His hand).

all in his time (:


in:faith, self-denial, growth
out: self-gratification, idolatry


what i would like:
days/months/years/etc. to immerse myself in the Lord (this i would love)
a life application, or study bible that is NASB (: (and has space for me to write all over it) <3
spurgeon's, tozer's, ravenhill's and paul washer's books. (:
edward's sermons (:
to go to cambridge, harvard, vanderbilt's or princeton (:
more God, more God. <3 :D

nofair_11@hotmail.com
facebook


favourite time of day: night/dawn
drink: hahah hmmm... 0:D
dish: beef :D but not too much hahah or cous cous (: sushi is nice. still a lot a lot of food that i love!
emotion: love.
music: debussy, satie, fall out boy, hillsong, lifehouse, secondhand serenade the list continues (:
reading: hahah my Bible? :D
random: WHEE :D






the sermon provider i trust


Designer/ %PURPUR.black-
Colour Code Icons

Please leave your link on my tagboard. :D
Lex.(:
Xinggg.<3
Eunice(:
Claudia(:
Yunhua(:
Grace(:
Ben Lau.(:

nothing lasts forever - maroon 5.
March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 December 2009 January 2010

Sunday, January 10, 2010 { 2:46 PM }
jours au soleil;

Yesterday was quite a good worship, pretty amazing. yup(: you know I always love Holy Communion. (:
It just reminded me, you know, of everything Christianity is about. How can anyone be left sober after being reminded of what exactly it was about?

When I think of how my God sent a man filled with His Spirit completely and in all fibre, the only one who was right with Him, to be declared guilty for every wrong thing every single person on earth did and take the punishment for it, not only by human hands but in his spirit and soul by God. I think of how He suffered every curse meant for me, went through all the pain that I will never be able to comprehend, just so God would be able to make me clean, make me new and give me His Spirit, I know there's mo turning back.

The Gospel alone is enough to convert anyone. When I questioned myself, "how real is this to you!" thinking of the answer, if God is, this must be. It must. And I tried to grasp such a reality. I guess God in His grace let me understand.

I guess Jesus was declared a lunatic for me to be labelled sane when there are so many questionably insane things the world does. But you know why He was thrown out, I suppose He was above the world (I.e. Greater than the world) so they threw Him out coz He was sinless.

It really brought me to tears okay. When they say the body of Christ broken for you it is a literal presentation I guess. Except that not one bone in His body was broken..

If you really listen and you really think, Holy Communion would be enough reasonfor you to go on, go through whatever crap you're going. And know that at the end it'll be alright and know that you're not as worse off as someone else once was. Someone even God casted out of His sight because he was sin. And you know that God's divine will is there. That just as He was raises victoriously from the dead, you have a new nature, a propensity not to sin, an someday you will be liberated from temptation completely, when the Perfect comes and you may have whole communion with Him.

I was saved by the Blood of Jesus Christ.
He died for me.

Saturday, January 9, 2010 { 7:00 AM }
sleeping beauty.

wow, so i haven't updated this blog in such a long time.
but i guess it's been about a month now?
sometimes i feel like i'm taking things slow with almost everything in my life. and it's a good thing,
but sometimes i feel like there's so much more i can do in my life.
i remember last year, i felt like i heard God's voice so much in my life.
His blessing has always been upon me. and i guess it will be (:

i feel like God has really put a new nature in me, it has become in my propensity to do something that is of Him.
He equipped me with knowledge of His ways, and understanding. understanding of so many things that people question.

i'm only human i guess, i suppose stumbling is inevitable. but! they also part of His Will - there must be a reason He let your sinful nature manifest for that period.

i just read a note that really spoke to my heart. especially this one comment which read "A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man must seek Him in order to find her." and "A man's heart should be so lost in God that a woman must seek Him in order to find him."

it kinda stung me, reminded me of.. my sin and stumbling.

my entire holiday flew past me like blitzkrieg.

but over it, i have fallen so much.
especially the week i spent in club med.

i can't really remember what happened after exams, but let me tell you that by God's grace, i stuck with Him until Chinese Os, i remember, my faith was almost so strong (even though there is much more to go) it escalated for a while, until this day where family problems just cropped up everywhere.
i tell you man, you never want a family where God is second. or not at all.

things just get so construed.
i miss the days where God showed me pictures and gave me thoughts, and i want even more. i want to see, i want to hear and i want to be like His Son. i want Him. i want all of Him.
(of course though, i don't think i'd be able to take it)

i feel distant. last december... was a real time of testing.

it's like directly after those family problems cropped up i got so distracted and yet God was still holding on to me.
like i just wanted to get away.
i want Him. i want to live for Him, yet part of me knows i'm still stuck in the world.

i wish so much for a life full of God, and i fear that the world will persist.
i fear i will live a life not filled with God
i fear my social circle will be one worldly
i fear, so badly, that i will never find a guy life the one in that quote.

okay, in the holidays, i got so distracted by thoughts of escape. i yearned so much for a guy because of my fears.
for a particular one.
but i surrendered it all.
i got distracted after that, in cervinia.
there were those nightly discos and i met people who were fine with swearing. okay with clubbing. drinking was cool. fun. whatever.
and it was kind of fun, i have to admit. it was an indulgence in my past. what i would have been.
and i began to turn back.
partying began to seem appealing. we went dancing every night, which was really fun. but that was good enough for me.
i don't like how people associate all that with clubbing and smoking and everything.
i love to dance.
but the clearcut line was there. i cannot stand smoking. but drinking and swearing crept in. then there was this one guy i really had chemistry with.
when i got back i was completely miserable. i felt so conflicted and distracted and disappointed and unfulfilled at the same time.
i knew that i had to follow God. because His Way is always the best. His Timing is perfect.

so slowly, i surrendered the guy. drinking was nothing big, because i didn't drink to escape, i drank under permission (: hahahah. but as soon as i surrendered that guy, feelings that had always been there, which went to the back of my mind, came back. and i got distracted again.
the family problems, which were always there. drama and all that, were still going on. and i got so frustrated with my life.
by the time Christmas came around, i felt so unclean, so unworthy, and so distant. i felt like a hypocrite writing cards to friends and giving presents. even though part of me wanted to for the joy of it, part of me was pushing the guilt.

during worship, i cried. i got stung by the fact that i was so far away. and i knew, i'm nothing without Him.
my mind wandered. my heart went astray.
and right now, i still feel distant. i want Jesus. i want the type of devotion He had with God. Can you believe that even after He healed all these people till like midnight, he slept at like 2am and woke up prolly at 4am to pray and at 7 he started it all again, preaching, ministering and loving God wholly with His entire heart, so much so that He would never stray to even a woman. That, is true holiness.

i guess right now, i'm depending on God.
to give me a God-written life.
to be like Jesus. not the commercial, common household "Christian" one, but the true, biblical one.
and i hope God would bless the one too. that He would save him, no matter whether he is the one i hope for or the one i've never met.

yes, i'm admitting something so close to my heart on the internet. i officially feel like a dork.
thank you (:

(any guesses why the title is sleeping beauty?)
and yes, i feel that swearing is a clearcut sign of fallenness in life.

Labels: my prayer in the desert.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009 { 8:05 PM }
distractions and ironies.

i realize my blog has been neglected.

i was planning maybe someday to write about my testimony. hahah nah. why should i? many others get saved whose testimonies deserve publishing hahah
recently, i've been having my doubts on the efficiency of this blog to portray words strung together for His glory.
i did dedicate this to anything relating to Christianity, it's quite obvious from the layout.

issue 1: my sister now complains about how i have this annoying "lawyer voice" when i discuss things or attempt to put forth my point.
issue 2: i have been neglecting my blog.
issue 3: hahah i wonder if i have due reason.

wheee. we'll let the problems take care of themselves (:
it seems my holidays are no longer holidays. i'm leaving for italy in about 7 days. (oh no.)
this sucks. hahah i'll tell you a secret, i haven't done my holiday homework. 0:D
sigh, maybe i slack too much.

i'll let you in on what has been occupying the holiday i had other plans for:
1. books
2. sentiments
3. family time.

i admit, i have read some good books. but i never finish them. i finish some but i have no idea why it seems like 24hours is not enough!
i read neil gaiman's sandman - preludes and nocturnes, quite nice.
i'm quite surprise by his portrayal of the devil, it's more accurate than how other comic books portray lucifer.
serious man, i think it would be really scary, and i'm glad that the only person the devil appeared to in the bible was Jesus. he can take it. i mean, i wouldn't mind as long as i'm in the full presence of God or Jesus myself, because either one of them would outshine whatever little glory the devil has - in appearance.
ironic huh, how people can portray monsters so horribly. well i do remember the sirens in the odyssey, that's not too bad, but i mean like... commercialized stories.
what irony huh? hahah

i think i can put a patent on "so ironic" because even my mom says i say it so much hahah

i have my sincere doubts if this blog works, you know. i really do, but i'm going to trust.

one of the recent sermons i've been listening to puts emphasis on the Gospel
i conclude that the best way to know if a person is a believer is to ask them about the Gospel. (but you have to be prepared for tears.)
but we do have to keep in mind that we are no one, we have no authority to declare if a person is saved. only God can do that.
even so, we must test ourselves, keep ourselves on track by questioning ourselves the reality of the Gospel and what exactly it is.
i believe that once a person is clear on the Gospel, it will serve as the biggest and greatest motivation in the Christian life.
how can a person fall away like this? - (rhetoric question)


it's tough. i contemplate my own future and the choices i must make in time to come.
but i shall leave it to His Hands.

i watched new moon the other day. my little sister lizi was completely over-the-top excited she screamed multiple times.
oh well. (TEEHEE song. turn your phone volume down)
it was okay. hahah i'm serious the best thing about it is the scenery. gosh. (eunice, i'm adding that onto the list. HAHAH)
aughhh hahah

you know how they like to teach about urban and rural settlements and stuff like that in geog, i wonder why they never evaluate which was better. it seems so surface level.
i like to think that the more urbanized a place gets the more problems it wreaks for itself.
think about it, hahah i shall explain someday, when i feel like it.
it also drives towards a centralized economy and culture - makes you lose some roots. it's inevitable.
i get sick of how they rant on and on about this in chinese curriculum but you have to stick to the 'model answer'
cardboard box! :( boring boring boring
-dies-

don't you find it retarded how we idolize so many things in our lives?
actually i don't... i find it sad. and it's human nature i guess. still sad.


i've told some friends of mine how i'm going to grow old as an old, alone, fougie.
but they don't know why i fear such.
it's hard to believe i'll find someone who condones the way i think about Christianity. and the way i look at life.
i told my mom i wanted to marry someone more close to God than me, she said i would end up marrying a pastor.
x.x dies.


my sister (xandra) was reading fml the other day to me, we both concluded that people in the west/us are really screwed up.
seriously, it's damn gross sometimes. like 40% of the posts are about something wrong.
twilight has overtaken the minds of so many girls. it's gross. seriously.
there was this post on fml that was like - "my girlfriend broke up with me today, she said she wanted someone more like edward. i found out he was a fictional vampire. fml"
xandra also read twilight yesterday. she said edward and bella were so cheesy.
i kind of agree.
and even so, for a hopeless romantic like me to say such a thing, it must be to an extreme concentration.
(yes i laughed in a "romantic scene" in new moon because it was so retarded. there was also this guy in the back row who kept laughing at the corny parts. my dad said it was really stupid. he's so accurate.)
oh the irony.
i foresee that twilight is yet another distraction from the truly important.
and the romanticization of "immortals" paint lies as beautiful as monet's paintings. (i love monet though.)

when i get of age, i'm going to write a book and it's going to be anonymous. (:
whee. :D

Labels: Ιησούς είναι κύριοσ

Saturday, October 24, 2009 { 10:18 AM }
(:

Matthew 7:7 (New American Standard Bible)

7"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."




Deuteronomy 4:23-39 (New American Standard Bible)

23"So watch yourselves, (AF)that you do not forget the covenant of the LORD your God which He made with you, and (AG)make for yourselves a graven image in the form of anything against which the LORD your God has commanded you.

24"For the LORD your God is a (AH)consuming fire, a (AI)jealous God.

25"When you become the father of children and children's children and have remained long in the land, and (AJ)act corruptly, and (AK)make an idol in the form of anything, and (AL)do that which is evil in the sight of the LORD your God so as to provoke Him to anger,

26I (AM)call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that you will (AN)surely perish quickly from the land where you are going over the Jordan to possess it. You shall not live long on it, but will be utterly destroyed.

27"The LORD will (AO)scatter you among the peoples, and you will be left few in number among the nations where the LORD drives you.

28"(AP)There you will serve gods, the work of man's hands, (AQ)wood and stone, (AR)which neither see nor hear nor eat nor smell.

29"(AS)But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him (AT)with all your heart and all your soul.

30"When you (AU)are in distress and all these things have come upon you, (AV)in the latter days (AW)you will return to the LORD your God and listen to His voice.

31"For the LORD your God is a (AX)compassionate God; (AY)He will not fail you nor (AZ)destroy you nor (BA)forget the covenant with your fathers which He swore to them.

32"Indeed, (BB)ask now concerning the former days which were before you, since the (BC)day that God created man on the earth, and inquire (BD)from one end of the heavens to the other (BE)Has anything been done like this great thing, or has anything been heard like it?

33"(BF)Has any people heard the voice of God speaking from the midst of the fire, as you have heard it, and survived?

34"(BG)Or has a god tried to go to take for himself a nation from within another nation (BH)by trials, by signs and wonders and by war and (BI)by a mighty hand and by an outstretched arm and by great terrors, as the LORD your God did for you in Egypt before your eyes?

35"To you it was shown that you might know that the LORD, He is God; (BJ)there is no other besides Him.

36"(BK)Out of the heavens He let you hear His voice (BL)to discipline you; and on earth He let you see His great fire, and you heard His words from the midst of the fire.

37"(BM)Because He loved your fathers, therefore He chose their descendants after them And He (BN)personally brought you from Egypt by His great power,

38driving out from before you nations greater and mightier than you, to bring you in and (BO)to give you their land for an inheritance, as it is today.

39"Know therefore today, and take it to your heart, that (BP)the LORD, He is God in heaven above and on the earth below; there is no other."

what a revelation unto all.



amen(:

Labels: it is time.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 { 11:29 AM }
We Have Forgotten that the Way is Narrow

Labels: Paul Washer

Wednesday, October 14, 2009 { 10:31 PM }
reflections.

Deuteronomy 6:4-5 (King James Version)

4Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD:

5And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

Lord of the heavens
King of all days
Without You my world slips away
Redeemed by Your mercy
Consumed by Your grace
Now i live for You

King Of All Days - Hillsong

morning:

the year has passed so quickly.

it seems today i decided to look back at all my posts, read them through, and think

hahah
examination of self?
wow. what a coincidence
(i'm listening to a semon on self-examination right now)


hmm, let's see. so many things have changed!
it's so overwhelming how faithful God has been, and how many things i've grown to know about Him

when i look back at my march posts, i think i've finally found the answer! (to the studies thing)
like i said, so many things have changed!
hahah

you know the funny thing is, i think that was a period of my growth, so i'll leave it there, as a juxtaposition between things that were, and things that are, a testament to God's cultivation of wisdom in me hahah


i've come to realize, i don't need to think or question about glorifying God in my studies, i don't need to say that i'm glorifying God in my studies! All i need to do is just look at God and focus on God, and He will settle everything else i need - "my daily bread"
i'm serious! ohmygoodness! God had put me through that entire emo period in june to teach me something.

----

midnight.

yes, i realize that that entire period was not just a period of immense growth, but more so, sanctification!
God had to strip off so many wrong foundations and messed up parts of me.
He made it clear to me that there was nothing for me. Nothing for me apart from Him and that all else was vanity.

those "down" periods in our lives - growth, sanctification.

when i had such a blockage towards my studies, He taught me that all i seriously had to do was just spend more time in communion with Him, look to His Word, speak and listen, and He'd sort that out for me.
It's like He fought for me, and i didn't have to do much but stick with Him and stay on His side, focusing on Him instead of making the subject of studies my idol.
for if i chased after it with all my might on my own strength, i would surely lose.
it is nothing but a modern day Baal.


i learnt to really stop it! i had to stop it!
and it saddens me just how many people worship this modern day baal instead of their God.
:(


again, i don't have to think about this! i just have to think of God! and immerse myself in Him.
(when i speak of God, i speak of the Truine God)

all i have to do, is worship, submit, obey. and conform to the image of His Son, Christ Jesus.
the Sermon on the Mount! - why am i worrying over this, should not my Father, who looks after all else in nature and dresses them up so beautifully, take care of me even better?

and whilst i stay there in awe, i had to let go.
realize how spiritually bankrupt i was, how apart from Him, i am worse than nothing.
there's nothing, nothing, nothing, for me apart from Him.
and He is and must be my everything.

and He must change my everything and conform me to His image. His Son's image.


during the past year, He has stripped me of so many things that i now realize i am better off without, and so many bondages that i would never be able to shake off.


i realized that my nothingness, His almighty grace and power, and i must continue to live on this.
to live on a search for Him, and a renouncement of self, of pride, of ego, and vanity.
anything that has to do with glory that is not of Him, i do not want.

He saved me, and that's the only thing i need to know, the only thing i need to base all of this on.
He saved me.
He called me into His Hands and He saved me.
And showed me the first glimpse of His Face.
may He continue this good work He has begun in me, and may His Face be clearer and clearer.
(by His Face, i mean His Character, and His Being - who He is, exactly. for i would be too unworthy to even catch a glimpse of His physical and/or visual appearance.)




all i want is You.
i don't want to waste my life on anything that is apart from You, on anything rooted on a foundation other than You.
and my earnest prayer and desire is that Your Name be glorified in my life, Your Spirit overflow unto those around me, Your Fire burn in my heart - my everything.


amen(:

Labels: without you my world doesn't slip away, without you my world is nothing - it disappears - poof

Tuesday, October 13, 2009 { 9:54 AM }
Revival According to John

(Revival Conference 2008 Atlanta)

Labels: Denny Kenaston

{ 9:52 AM }
The Great Privilege

Labels: Paul Washer

{ 8:55 AM }
If you took the 'the' or capital out of The Saviour, He'd be no different from any other one.

Saviour I come,
Quiet my soul, remember,
Redemption's hill,
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom

Everything I once held dear,
I count it all as lost.

Lead me to the cross,
Where Your love poured out.
Bring me to my knees,
Lord I lay me down.
Rid me of myself,
I belong to You,
Lead me, lead me to the cross.

You were as I,
Tempted and trialed,
You are
The word became flesh,
Bore my sin and death,
Now you're risen

Everything I once held dear,
I count it all as lost.

Lead me to the cross,
Where Your love poured out.
Bring me to my knees,
Lord I lay me down.
Rid me of myself,
I belong to You,
Lead me, lead me to the cross.

Monday, October 5, 2009 { 8:56 AM }
Oh Lord, my God, in You i put my trust

take my moments, and my days
let each breathe that i take, be ever only,
for You, oh Lord


i think i may switch to KJV.

Ezekiel 37:1-14 (King James Version)

Ezekiel 37

1The hand of the LORD was upon me, and carried me out in the spirit of the LORD, and set me down in the midst of the valley which was full of bones,

2And caused me to pass by them round about: and, behold, there were very many in the open valley; and, lo, they were very dry.

3And he said unto me, Son of man, can these bones live? And I answered, O Lord GOD, thou knowest.

4Again he said unto me, Prophesy upon these bones, and say unto them, O ye dry bones, hear the word of the LORD.

5Thus saith the Lord GOD unto these bones; Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live:

6And I will lay sinews upon you, and will bring up flesh upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and ye shall live; and ye shall know that I am the LORD.

7So I prophesied as I was commanded: and as I prophesied, there was a noise, and behold a shaking, and the bones came together, bone to his bone.

8And when I beheld, lo, the sinews and the flesh came up upon them, and the skin covered them above: but there was no breath in them.

9Then said he unto me, Prophesy unto the wind, prophesy, son of man, and say to the wind, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe upon these slain, that they may live.

10So I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived, and stood up upon their feet, an exceeding great army.

11Then he said unto me, Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel: behold, they say, Our bones are dried, and our hope is lost: we are cut off for our parts.

12Therefore prophesy and say unto them, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Behold, O my people, I will open your graves, and cause you to come up out of your graves, and bring you into the land of Israel.

13And ye shall know that I am the LORD, when I have opened your graves, O my people, and brought you up out of your graves,

14And shall put my spirit in you, and ye shall live, and I shall place you in your own land: then shall ye know that I the LORD have spoken it, and performed it, saith the LORD.

could that refer to individuals?
i am more than certain.
and i await. (:

Labels: In You I live and move and breathe, In You In You I find my peace, In You In You I find my strength

Friday, October 2, 2009 { 7:36 PM }
when it's supposed to be the reverse.

i don't know how to help you.

working against me: time, age
working for me: growth, education (in/of Him).



---


you know, i always feel like i'm going to two schools, one i am pretty negative or otherwise apathetic about, and the other, though secondary, the one i desire to spend all my time on and deepen.

i don't know whether it's just my time planning, or the fact that the former demands maximum attention, and the latter does too, but more people ignore it and make it seem unworthy.
they try to paint its crown black and trample it in sand.


when she asked me what was wrong with making money,
i could have told her how i felt
but i'd slept too late the night before
and i'd been too scared.

Labels: i wonder it that surpasses physical limitations., maybe it's in His Spirit that i am to live

Thursday, October 1, 2009 { 8:15 AM }
quotes :D

paul washer - True Gospel Series

"Heaven will be about pursuing all the knowledge you can know about God."
(don't look at this only at surface level, it's deeper than that. i.e. definition of 'know' and 'knowledge'.)

"Even though the message of the King of Christianity, the heart of Christianity, about the man who died on the tree, you do not even care about, you still call yourself a Christian"



Being A Witness

"you were given a heart, so it would beat for Him,
you were given a mind, so you could think thoughts about Him,
you were given breath so you could take it in and breathe it out in worship,
you were given strength to serve Him.
you belong to Him."





amen. (:

Labels: little reminders :D whee

Friday, September 18, 2009 { 8:04 AM }
further thoughts; apart from the vine i am nothing.

in regards to the last post:

i realized;
1. the most i could do is do my best to be that image of Christ
2. and pray
3. trust
4. it is by His Spirit that salvation occurs, and "my sheep recognize my voice; I know them and they follow me" - John 10:27



it's sad.
reality is.
we are all poor in Spirit - bankrupt, even.
and we're turning further.


"For apart from me you can do nothing." -> John 15:5b
apart from Him i do nothing of substantial value.
apart from Him i have nothing.
apart from Him i am nothing.
the nothing i am can never fill the nothing i feel.

think and understand. apply.
look up.





Salvation and Christianity : Baptism of the Spirit and Abandonment of the world for the follow of Christ.
when we take that focus off Christ as our top priority, and turn to worldly objects which will never fulfill, and if we've not been in communion with the Spirit of God through Christ, is it right to say that; 1. idolatry, and 2. false/religious Christianity.

therefore, how rampant is idolatry?
how often is the first commandment broken, and the most important - of loving with all our hearts, souls and minds?
how real is the common 'Christianity'?






lately;
-> listening to awesome preachers. seriously (:
recommend;
Paul Washer - The Sufficiency of Scripture, A Biblical Marriage & Family, A Biblical Church.
Leonhard Ravenhill - Elijah,
A.W. Tozer - The Deeper Life,
Charles Leiter - Justification and the Gospel.

-> revising the first 5 (: soon moving on to the 6th when the time is right (:

-> read a book that since gave proof for the ... feeling or perception, i had on the intertwining of The Spirit and Science and how the latter proves the former;
The Science of God -Gerald L. Shroeder
(it was really interesting, and super cool. i'm serious :D hahah. the into was a bit boring and like, "yeah i know, that's why i'm reading this", but the part where he starts talking about Genesis seems an accurate perception to me :D )

-> given a new perspective on ministry.

Ministry -> wherever God has put you to minister to others around you.
family is considered.
marriage is.




(:

Labels: big picture supplied, details sold seperately.

Friday, September 11, 2009 { 8:40 AM }
Would i be able to forgive myself?

Would i be able to forgive myself if one of my immediate family members left this earth still unconvinced of Christ's salvation and the love of God?
Would i be able to forgive myself if i didn't do all i could to show them Christ through me before they left?







i don't think i could.
not by my human strength.
never. by my human strength.


please.
restore me in Your Grace.

Sunday, September 6, 2009 { 11:24 PM }
#5.

1. A "Christian" who doesn't know if he is truly saved and is not rightly connected to Christ, yet still calls himself a Christian.

2. A "Christian" who admits, he's not actually a Christian, and admits his doubt.

3. A non-Christian of another religion or none at all who can tell the difference between a true Christian and a false one.


who would you respect more?

for me, i'd respect the second most, and the third.
the first? i'm not so sure if i could respect or accept him at all, if he wishes not to examine himself.

Monday, August 31, 2009 { 3:58 AM }
Majesty, Majesty, Your grace has found me just as i am, empty handed but alive in Your Hands.

i had a really good dream yesterday.
but it wasn't a good thing to dream about.

but that's not the thing on my mind right now. meaning that i've pretty much gotten over it?
okay good.

1. Why is it the good (here meaning interesting) workshops in ym camp are for "17 & above"?
is it right to justify a larger number of years around the sun as a higher level of spiritual maturity?
stuff like postmodernism is more than something only jc students/uni can comprehend.

2. maybe i'm not meant to go this year? i don't know. dad wants to go to italy during the same period. (://)
and i don't think i should anyway.

if i do:
- i'd have too many camps already. kinda like last year x.x
- i'd have a chance of using the camp as a "high" charger, and that's not good.
- i'd be able to go with jam (:


on to something of more importance
what is a career in which one can focus entirely on Christ, yet can appease parents who wish for their child to "do well"?
paradoxical statement, is it not?



For a fellow JAMer (: :
(and everyone else who is reading! (: )

as of late, i discover so many 'Christians' i do know, who... aren't truly saved.
what does it mean to be truly saved?

personally, i believe it's something that can only be done by the Spirit of the Lord.
when the person is baptized by the Holy Spirit, he is truly saved.
it's not just a prayer that goes "yes, i'd like to ask Jesus into my life"
if the person has never read the gospel, and has never really breathed that word of God that lasts forever, and has never been invaded by the Spirit and filled with it, he/she is not saved.

sad sad truth.


yet the question is, how do we determine that?
if the person has not, after apparent filling with His Spirit, had his life turned upside down and priorities and desires uprooted and transformed into that of Christ, he has not been saved.

"So I want you to know that no one speaking by the Spirit of God will curse Jesus, and no one can say Jesus is Lord, except by the Holy Spirit." - 1 Cor 12:3

in those times, saying Jesus is Lord, if i'm correct, meant death. only a fool would say that.
a fool filled with His Holy Spirit, sanctified, and living solely for Him.
a complete fool.

this fool chases not after the desires of the world, and lives not in the moment of that world, but in every moment given to him by the Lord. he chases only after the love so amazing and so divine that only the Lord can give.
he also chases after one-ness with the Godhead.
he knows that he is only to build a vessel that will carry him towards his goal, that which is the Lord.

“So those who are last now will be first then, and those who are first will be last.” - Matthew 20:16

he chases not after being first on this earth, he chases not after status or fame (amongst his companions and in his society) but humbles himself to the point which he knows that nothing on this earth is his; he is but a tenant, renting that which is the Lord's.

he knows his body is not his and must be returned to the Lord without unrightful mutilation and intended defect, to be used in ways that speak of the Lord. he knows his possessions and all he is blessed with are not his and his rightful inheritance is only the Lord, henceforth he is not to grip onto them with all his might and strength, but onto the Lord.

he knows that all he experiences now only makes his vessel a stronger boat, sturdier and more effective and looks on towards His Lord, union with Him.

if the things of this earth will wither, then it is far better to focus on the word of the Lord which will last forever, is it not?

the fool can only do this by The Spirit, and not by any other power in existence that is not of God.


so please tell me, are you truly living for God?
are you studying for God?
studying to glorify His Name?

question yourself, be true to your Lord - if He is of any importance.
what are you studying for?
what are you living for?

does your time spent focusing on Christ diminish in comparison to that which you live to do/are working at?
is there such thing as to study amd devote yourself to that to glorify His Name?
if you focus on His Kingdom, does He not promise to add on everything else unto you?
henceforth why do you rely on your own energy and focus on "studying to glorify His Name"/"working hard to glorify Him" instead of focusing more living for Him and delighting in His ways?
be right with Him, let all things else diminish in comparison to Him, and He will grant you that which you desired before you surrendered it to Him. check that relationship between you and Him, are you rightly connected?
what is that one rock standing in the way of the living stream of water of you and your connection to the source of Christ, preventing you from continuing your path?

this is but a lesson i am implementing now, though not for studies, for that had not been the thing that i hold dearest.


when i finally realize my empty-handed-ness, and nothing-ness, i know that in Your Hands, i am alive completely and with overflowing, abundant joy.



---
also, kudos to seth, who was the only one who noticed the "est electricum!" and asked (:

Labels: for a fellow JAMer (:

Tuesday, August 18, 2009 { 6:40 AM }
What in the world does God want me to do?

"What has God destined for me on earth? What is His purpose for my life? What does Jesus want me to do for Him?"

To the above questions, my only answer is this - God wants me to love Him with all my hear, all my soul, and all my strength. To put His will above any of mine, that my heart's only desire will be to glorify His Name.

To reduce myself to a merely conscious human being surrendered to the command of God may seem extremely unwise to the eyes of the world, but in His Spirit, and to my saved soul, there can be nothing greater, higher, or edifying than, and no power and love above that which is His.

What joy fills my heart as i contemplate all that precede and ensue from the constant act of this surrender.

What must precede and remain consistent is a continually deepened love for and relationship with Him, until a point where nothing can ever take His place is my life, that which is none but first. This process will require almost eternity to develop and would be impossible without His Spirit and Almighty Presence.

He found me and formed me, and knew everything about me before I did Him, and this knowledge, combined with His indescribable power override and overshadow all that is known and can be the only thing that will fill the vacuum abyss in my heart.

And by His Spirit and the Name of Jesus, all shall fall into place when i focus only on Him. Loving Him, and showing my love for Him to Him, not the world, for His thoughts are all that matter, regardless of what happens to me.


He will provide.

Labels: amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me

Wednesday, August 12, 2009 { 4:28 AM }
Delirious - Majesty (Here I am)




Here I am humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands

Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands

Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Labels: now i've found the greatest love of all is mine

Sunday, August 9, 2009 { 11:41 PM }
parachute band:D

Lord I come into Your Holy place
stand in awe of Your cleansing grace.
who am i, that You would care for me?
I glorify the one who died for me.

Glorified, glorified
Let Your Name be lifted up and glorified
Let the earth tremble at Your Name
Let Your Name be lifted up and glorified

Into Your hands, I commit my life
Day by day as a living sacrifice
Who am I that You would care for me?
I glorify the one who died for me

Glorified, glorified
Let Your Name be lifted up and glorified
Let the earth tremble at Your Name
Let Your Name be lifted up and glorified

Labels: amazing love, how can it be that you my King would die for me?

Saturday, August 8, 2009 { 3:11 AM }
up, up and... idolatry?

Up! :D

hahah yeah watched it yesterday 0:D hee.

you know the funniest thing? o.o i cried man.
i cried.

it's so weird, really. i cried when that ellie and carl didn't recognize their "dreams" and they were growing old gradually.
and i cried when carl finally opened the section of ellie's album he always thought was blank.

hmm, maybe it was coz i felt like it was a waste.
that their lives were so wrapped around each other that when ellie left, carl broke.
yeah, maybe carl's attitude in the story could be justified on human terms, but i completely felt like, "where's God?"

then i had this sudden fear and feeling like, if the rapture happened now, what would have happened to me.
i would be staring at a talking, moving wall. instead of holding on to God.

and when that guy that carl idolized appeared, it was so scary.
so scary how he could be so consumed in what the world thought of him
and how monstrous he'd become.

and i left the cinema thinking, it was good. but i felt pretty unsettled.



and now i think of it yet again, idolatry.
and how idolatry isn't just about a golden calf and drunken orgies.
or a harvest "god" baal and polytheism.

idolatry isn't just about your "legal" religion, it's about priorities, and your heart.
and one thing it's definitely linked with is worship.

worship - comes from old english weorthscipe. and literally means worth -ship.
giving worth to something.

worship (n.)
O.E. worðscip, wurðscip (Anglian), weorðscipe (W.Saxon) "condition of being worthy, honor, renown," from weorð "worthy" (see worth) + -scipe (see -ship). Sense of "reverence paid to a supernatural or divine being" is first recorded c.1300. The original sense is preserved in the title worshipful (c.1300). The verb is recorded from c.1200.

since the definition of "worth" is already commonly established,

-ship: a native English suffix of nouns denoting condition, character, office, skill, etc.: clerkship; friendship; statesmanship.
O.E. -sciepe, Anglian -scip "state, condition of being," from P.Gmc. *-skapaz (cf. O.N. -skapr, O.Fris. -skip, Du. -schap, Ger. -schaft), from base *skap- "to create, ordain, appoint." Cognate with O.E. gesceape (see shape).


i⋅dol⋅a⋅try 
–noun, plural -tries.
1. the religious worship of idols.
2. excessive or blind adoration, reverence, devotion, etc.

hence worship means giving and appointing worth to something in one's life and being devoted to it. appointing it a state and condition of being first and most important
and idolatry means excessive devotion to something (i.e. an idol)
and to devote means to give all or a large part of one's time or resources to (something)
therefore, when a large part of one's life is given to something else, where that thing is in a state and condition of being first in one's life, it's idolatry.

meaning when something else takes #1 in life before God, it's an idol and one is committing idolatry.

Labels: humanity is weak, sin is easy

Wednesday, August 5, 2009 { 5:34 AM }
an angel's smile is what you sell, you promised me heaven and put me through hell.

it's august.

already.

i'm so tired, and heng tomorrow's thursday and friday is lessonless.
so tired.


hoping friday will be fun (:
yes. in joyful expectation, friday, saturday sunday, monday. <3


i'm seriously a darn lit. person :/

Labels: it's been a long time coming down this road, now i know what i've been searching for.

Thursday, July 30, 2009 { 1:40 AM }
do you see?

Everything round one is unhurried, quiet, moss-grown, and orderly. Season follows in the track of season, and one year can hardly be distinguished from another. Time should be measured here by the silent dial, rather than by the ticking clock, or by the chimes of the church.

- Alexander Smith (again)

Labels: dreamthorp., minority report

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 { 6:04 AM }
could he have given me the wrong prescription?

There, with the former inhabitants of the place, I trust to sleep quietly enough, and nature will draw over our heads her coverlet of green sod, and tenderly tuck us in, as a mother her sleeping ones, so that no sound from the world shall ever reach us, and no sorrow trouble us any more.

- Alexander Smith.

Labels: dreamthorp.

Monday, July 20, 2009 { 5:25 AM }
apparently our breathing patterns pronounce Your Name as well.

Exodus 20:7
"The Lord will not let you go unpunished if you misuse His name."

Leviticus 19:12
"Do not use my name to swear a falsehood and so profane the name of your God. I am the Lord."

What does it mean to misuse the Name of the Lord?
-> Using the Name of the Lord in vain does not only apply to "Oh My ..." or "J... C...!"
-> God's Name isn't even truly "God", "God" is a form of His Name, it is not the root, the source, but a substitute.

God's Name is unknown.



the pronunciation is lost.
observant Jews don't pronounce the Tetragrammaton, but write it down -> it's too sacred for common activities, even ordinary prayer
was pronounced by the High Priest on Yom Kippur when the Temple was still standing in Jerusalem
post destruction 70AD -> Tetragrammaton no longer pronounced

Jews substitute "Adonai" - "my Lord", "Elohim" - "God, "HaShem" - "The Name", "AdoShem" - Lord's Name.
God is holy and He is The Lord, they feared the misusage of it, for anyone who uttered it unworthily has blasphemed against His Name.
Knowing someone's name gives you a foot up, misusing it shows "ownership" and is completely disrespectful

In the Old Testament, the smallest act of disobedience and carelessness resulted in death.
Leviticus 10:1-3 (New Living Translation)

Leviticus 10

The Sin of Nadab and Abihu

Aaron’s sons Nadab and Abihu put coals of fire in their incense burners and sprinkled incense over them. In this way, they disobeyed the Lord by burning before him the wrong kind of fire, different than he had commanded. 2 So fire blazed forth from the Lord’s presence and burned them up, and they died there before the Lord.
3 Then Moses said to Aaron, “This is what the Lord meant when he said,

‘I will display my holiness
through those who come near me.
I will display my glory
before all the people.’”

And Aaron was silent.

• Aaron's sons were careless in their preparation and sacrifices and were burnt by the fire of the Lord in His sight
• Performing sacrifices - act of obedience, correct respect for God.
• Disrespecting, dishonoring, being careless - profaning His name.

What else does Leviticus define as the profaning and misusing the Name of the Lord?

1. idolatry

Leviticus 20:2-3 (New Living Translation)
2 “Give the people of Israel these instructions, which apply both to native Israelites and to the foreigners living in Israel.

“If any of them offer their children as a sacrifice to Molech, they must be put to death. The people of the community must stone them to death. 3 I myself will turn against them and cut them off from the community, because they have defiled my sanctuary and profaned my holy name by offering their children to Molech..

2. not worshipping in the correct heart and spirit

Leviticus 22:2 (New Living Translation)

2 “Tell Aaron and his sons to be very careful with the sacred gifts that the Israelites set apart for me, so they do not profane my holy name. I am the Lord.

3. treating Him and His Name as common and ordinary - taking Him for less than what He is.

Leviticus 22:32 (New Living Translation)

32 Do not treat my holy name as common and ordinary, for I will display my holiness among the people of Israel. I am the Lord who makes you holy. 33 It was I who rescued you from the land of Egypt, that I might be your God. I am the Lord.”

When you misuse the name of the Lord, what you feel about God is reflected, your true heart towards God is shown.
Ultimately, misusing the Name of the Lord means that you are disrespecting, dishonoring, and mistreating Him, you are not loving the Lord you God with all your heart, soul, and mind.

I once heard this -> "If God is not the Lord of all, then He is not God at all."

Henceforth,

Isaiah 29:13-14 (New Living Translation)

13 And so the Lord says,
“These people say they are mine.
They honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
And their worship of me
is nothing but man-made rules learned by rote.[a]
14 Because of this, I will once again astound these hypocrites
with amazing wonders.
The wisdom of the wise will pass away,
and the intelligence of the intelligent will disappear.”

Footnotes:
Isaiah 29:13 Greek version reads Their worship is a farce, / for they teach man-made ideas as commands from God. Compare Mark 7:7.

Choose.

1. Continue proclaiming "Lord, Lord" yet acting in a way that is disrespectful and takes Him for granted, not obeying His Commandments -> Who is God to you?
   

   Isaiah 66:1-4 (New Living Translation)
   
   Isaiah 66
   
   1 This is what the Lord says:
   
   “Heaven is my throne,
   and the earth is my footstool.
   Could you build me a temple as good as that?
   Could you build me such a resting place?
   2 My hands have made both heaven and earth;
   they and everything in them are mine.[a]
   I, the Lord, have spoken!
   
   “I will bless those who have humble and contrite hearts,
   who tremble at my word.
   3 But those who choose their own ways—
   delighting in their detestable sins—
   will not have their offerings accepted.
   When such people sacrifice a bull,
   it is no more acceptable than a human sacrifice.
   When they sacrifice a lamb,
   it’s as though they had sacrificed a dog!
   When they bring an offering of grain,
   they might as well offer the blood of a pig.
   When they burn frankincense,
   it’s as if they had blessed an idol.
   4 I will send them great trouble—
   all the things they feared.
   For when I called, they did not answer.
   When I spoke, they did not listen.
   They deliberately sinned before my very eyes
   and chose to do what they know I despise.”

   
   
2. Deny the faith, and face eternal damnation

   Romans 1:18-20 (New Living Translation)
   
   God’s Anger at Sin
   
   18 But God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness.[a] 19 They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. 20 For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.

   
   
3. Repent, believe, and have faith. Search for the Spirit.
   

   Luke 11:9-10 (New Living Translation)
   
   9 “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.
   
   John 4:23 (New Living Translation)
   
   23 But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for those who will worship him that way.

(there are many other related passages, these are just a few.)

Labels: we were made for one purpose alone

Friday, July 17, 2009 { 9:25 AM }








I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A VIOLIN PART FOR THIS!!! :DDD <333

i am so in love right now :P ^^ (: <3 :D

Tuesday, July 14, 2009 { 7:43 AM }
some of the stupidest things people blow up for no reason.

1. The death of Michael Jackson

let the poor dude finally have his rest okay, seriously.

Labels: here in your presence i am free.

{ 12:51 AM }
Then I heard the Lord asking, "Whom should I send as a messenger to my people? Who will go for us?"


one of the longest posts i've ever written just got deleted
by a stupid command+R button. ARGH ><>

Take my life I lay it down

At the cross where I am found

All I have I give to You oh God

Take my hands and make them clean

Keep my heart in purity

That I may walk in all You have for me

Oh here I stand

Arms open wide

Oh I am Yours

And You are mine

Take my moments and my days

Let each breath that I take

Be ever only for You oh God

Oh here I stand

Arms open wide

Oh I am Yours

And You are mine

My whole life is Yours

I give it all

Surrendered to Your Name

And forever I will pray

Have Your way

Have Your way

Oh here I stand

Arms open wide

Oh I am Yours

And You are mine

Hallelujah, You have won the victory
Hallelujah, You have won it all for me

Death could not hold You down
You are the risen king

Seated in majesty
You are the risen king

Labels: Great are You Lord high above all, Isaiah 6:8, You are high and lifted up over all things You are higher

Monday, July 6, 2009 { 9:18 AM }
a slow adaptation and regeneration.

hahah i like this skin, but the message of it, for me, is not romantic.

Monday, June 22, 2009 { 9:39 AM }
i want to be a hermit.

out. out. out. 

Labels: :(, what fulfillment of F451 prophecy.

Monday, May 18, 2009 { 7:40 AM }
and all you can see is

i feel horrible.
miserable. even.
maybe i reap what i sow.
or i just go with the flow - of what i screwed over.
i sound cheesy and in a corny way, i'm rhyming.
like whutthepong?

Labels: if you analyzed all i encompass you'd finally understand. but you wouldn't give a shit anyway

Sunday, May 17, 2009 { 6:04 AM }
dependence.

i have come to the conclusion that i am or have been jaded. with the help of some discernment from a fellow bukit timah-er :D hahah . yes. i am not tired physically.
mentally.

what lex said was right. i think too much. hahah! very bad tendency i have cultivated in myself.

as with the world, i depend on myself. it's called "self-sufficiency".
in the eyes of the world it is not simply just and right, but something to be of honour.

but, depend on your own strength and you screw over.
i have to look up.
stop thinking.
stop tiring myself out mentally.
depend.

Labels: boosh.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009 { 5:31 AM }
and i will be complete in You.

how can i keep from shouting Your praise,
i know i'm loved by the King, and it makes my heart want to sing.

why are there so many songs about You and I?
what about we? or us? or they?
most Christian songs, i mean.
why You fill me, and not You fill us?

i guess because it would make our words less meaningful, because it would be just like saying the pledge, or singing a nation's anthem - hardly anyone really means it.



yesterday had been really up and down for me,
i sat here, thinking of how He has blessed me, and how is really is here for me, like in Exodus, the way Caleb had expressed it - that He will see me through. will. for He is with "us"

Labels: Jesus is the Lord, Ιησούς είναι κύριοσ

Monday, May 11, 2009 { 6:52 AM }
fill my life again.

status: unwilling, slacking, confused, and apathetic. all at once. a quarter motivated.

current prevalent thought(s):
"heheh. gonna grow bangs like keira knightley's in that really really old glamour issue when i used to read mags"
"meh. 70% of my grade is in sem 2, my term 2 has been screwed up (by syf) already. so should i even try?"
" 'three little birds, sat on my window, and they told me i didn't need to worry.' - i wish."

Labels: (satan's) hell or (God's) glory. i don't want anything in between

Saturday, May 9, 2009 { 9:44 AM }
booosh.

yesh so i'm getting up in about 5h from now, and i still have not completed much this weekend.

Sunday, May 3, 2009 { 6:28 AM }
and i quote my father, "Stalin? Why? He's a useless bugger."

bondages.

Labels: and don't we all hate it? but we must. we are the conformists.